Jewish End of Life Practices - Jewish Practices Between Death and Burial

A man who mourns during aninut is called an “onen“, a women an “onenet”. This is when most people feel like they are “in-between”. An individual in this situation has no religious obligations beyond attending to the practical necessities of arranging for the funeral. The Jewish understanding is that an onen/onenet is not able to focus on anything other than the immediate issue of the burial, and is not expected to be capable of any ritual observances (and may even be prohibited from doing them), even those that might otherwise be performed on a daily basis (such as reciting Sh’ma).

As Rabbi Maurice Lamm has observed: “The onen is a person in deep distress, a person yanked out of normal life and abruptly catapulted into the midst of inexpressible grief. He is disoriented, his attitudes are disarrayed, his emotions [are] out of gear. The shock of death paralyzes his consciousness and blocks out all regular patterns of orderly thinking.” (The Jewish Way in Death and Mourning, p. 21).

Indeed, we are discouraged from trying to comfort the mourner prior to the burial. Pirkei Avot (Ethics of the Fathers) teaches, “Do not console a person whose deceased relative lies before him” (4:23). Therefore, the common Western customs of viewing the body and visitation are contrary to traditional Jewish practice.

Although an onen/onenet is exempt from all positive mitzvot (such as reciting the Amidah), he/she must observe all the prohibitive laws (for example, not eating non-kosher food). The mourner’s main task is to attend to the details of the burial. Naturally, friends and community members may assist. There is no liturgy assigned for this period.

As for the body of the deceased, there are two main rituals associated with this aninut period: taharah (preparation of the body for burial) and shmirah (“guarding” or “watching” the dead – keeping them company so the soul is not alone).